Swetha Banda

Numbers and nightmares

2011-10-26T08:56:00.000-07:00

Everyone has certain fears in life. Most of those fears are silly ones like being scared of cockroaches or some slightly more serious like the fear of heights. Mostly harmless fears that remind you of their presence once in a while and otherwise lie dormant. Unless ofcourse it turns out to be a life-altering phobia, which I am guessing is relatively uncommon among most normal people. So, the point of ranting about the whole story of fears is - I have one. Its the fear of failing in a math paper. Now, you may say that its very common and most people have a fear or exams. Atleast most people who have gone through the Indian system of education are scarred through life with this incredible fear of exams. So, yes - I fear exams, especially exams dealing with numbers and mathematics. I wake up almost every night with a sweaty forehead and shivering hands believing that my life is doomed because I have failed a maths paper. It takes me a couple of minutes to realise that its just a dream and my life has other potential reasons to be doomed and the maths paper in question was long written and done with. And this is a recurring dream. Now this has got me thinking. Why is mathematics so scary? What is it about numbers that make them especially incomprehensible? Or am I just mathematically challenged?

Children and Lessons of life...

2010-03-10T07:25:00.001-08:00

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance :D . I have to admit with modesty, that I am super-patient... In my daily interaction with 6 year olds, I have learnt a lot of things. It is my pleasure to enlighten you..

1) Every moment in a child's life is a new moment, not based on the past, present or the future. (agreed, their past isn't much, but 2 or 3 years is still a lot)

2) Their attention span is 5 seconds. (thats good, especially when you spank them once in a while, they forget about it in 5 seconds and dont hold it against you)

3) They can come up with very ingenious ways to get hold of and play with things that are dangerous for them and an occupational hazard for me (stones, broken pieces of tiles, metal wires etc. etc. )

4) They can be unbearably naughty, but when you reprimand them for it, they can put on their most innocent smiles and make you feel like terribly guilty. Then a few mins later (read 5 seconds) they are back to being unbearably naughty (phew! its a vicious cycle)

But all said and done, I do enjoy my job immensely. After all, who doesn't like a tinge of adventure in their lives...

Midnight Masala....

2009-10-21T07:50:00.001-07:00

It was 2 am. The roads were deserted. We approached the road where we knew he would be standing. From a distance we could see the small discrete crowd buying from him. We slowed down and looked carefully to see if everything would be alright. Just then, 2 policemen on a bike came by. We sat frozen in the car wondering if we should just leave or wait to see what happens. After a few minutes the policemen rode away. We decided to stay. We had to have it.

We stopped the car a safe distance away. Two of the guys went and bought it and brought it back to the car. One sip and I knew it was one hell of a good cup of masala tea and the experience of drinking it in the middle of MG Road at 2 am was just something else...

Et si tu n'existais pas...

2009-06-20T10:23:00.001-07:00

Et si tu n'existais pas... | Online recorder

The Royal Ride...

2009-05-19T22:10:00.000-07:00

Earlier, I had always made my qualms about auto drivers very well known. I detest their arrogance and their rude behaviour. So I had decided I would not take anymore autos unless absolutely necessary. Yesterday, was one of those days.

I was getting ready to go to class on my Scooty, when the rain gods decided that they had other plans. Just when I was about to leave, it started pouring cats and dogs. It was too late to take a bus. So, I was left with no choice other than to take the damn auto. Luckily for me, it wasn't easy to get one. And the ride left me reconsidering my hatred towards autodrivers.

This guy was very courteous. He spoke fluent English. And he was asking me which route I preferred. Whoa!! Who does that? :P

On the way, he stopped to buy fruits. After doing so, he apologized for delaying me, and went on to explain that he was on his way to pick up some lady. And everytime he went there, she always offered him something and he thought it was only fair that he should be taking something for her. I was quite impressed with the guy by then.

As it was pouring, and I was kinda getting a little wet, he suggested that I move over to the other side, so that I dont get wet.

Finally, after I reached AF, he asked me what I was learning. I told him French. He asked me "Do they teach well? Do they speak in French to you? etc" and then he went on to add, "I would like to learn a foreign language some day".

And then I paid him the money and he actually said "Thank you, m'am. Bye"

I was baffled. Its been ages since I came across courteous strangers, leave alone auto drivers. It was really nice to have been treated well. I felt quite royal. It takes nothing but a few kind words to change one's outlook.

I hope this guy gets to fulfill his dreams...

Waqt ne kiya

2009-05-05T23:13:00.001-07:00

Re-uploaded this song once again.

Waqt ne kiya | Upload Music

Postcard from the past....

2009-04-05T10:08:00.000-07:00

I stepped into the post office and I travelled back by 15 years in time. The ancient ceiling fans, the wooden furniture, the banyan tree just outside, the low doors and high ceilings, it was right out of the champak, tinkle and gokulam world. The postmen in their khakhi coats were all sitting around a big wooden table on their wooden benches and were sorting out the letters. Their bicycles were parked under the banyan tree.

It was such a different scene from the plush corporate, air conditioned, thickly carpeted, glass offices where you get greeted with a fake "How may I help you?". This actually felt real, like something you would immediately associate with a typical Indian scene. Laughing postmen, gossiping women, some old retired men standing in queue, and absolutely no youngsters in sight.

This took me back to the time when I was a little girl with big dreams. I used to wait for the postman to make his daily rounds every afternoon, hoping that he would have something for us. Atleast once a month, my grandfather would send us letters from Delhi. I read those letters again and again. They were not just letters, but tokens of immense love and affection. My grandfather's handwriting is still so clear in my memory.

The post office made me nostalgic. It reminded of those times when life was about climbing guava trees and summer vacations. It was about wide eyed wonder and curiosity to understand the world. It was about grandparents narrating stories while i would lie down cuddled on my grandma's lap. It was about feeling that the world was just my small and protected little world, which had endless possibilities. It was about hope and the ability to dream that I was capable of being anybody I wanted to be, It was just about being the child I was and who I have now lost and forgotten.

Rain

2008-08-15T09:40:00.000-07:00

It was a typical rainy evening in Bangalore. Pouring rain, flooded roads, scurrying people and scanty lights. I was on my way home. I was standing under the same tree that shed flowers on me four months back, during spring. I should have just gone home and stayed dry. But instead I did something completely pointless. I chose to stand in rain. I chose to get totally drenched. I wanted to feel every nerve in my body come alive. I just stood there for I don't know how long.
As I stood there in the pouring rain, I forgot about everything that was happening around me. I forgot where I was and I didn't bother about how many people were around me. The only thing I could feel was the rain and the tears that were rolling down my cheeks and the sadness in my heart. And none of it felt out of place. It felt good to feel alive.

Of plans and pains...

2008-08-01T04:59:00.000-07:00

I had it all meticulously planned. I would leave office at 2, walk to Ginger, go to Marathahalli and take another to Hebbal and then I'd take an auto. I had to meet someone at 4 and this was my plan of action. It was all turning out quite well. It was a nice and bright sunny day. When i left office at 2, I was glad it was scorching hot. Unlike the last few days, there wasn't a speck of cloud in the sky. Nothing could go wrong with my planning.

So I headed off to Marathahalli and since it was my lucky day, I had a bus to Hebbal waiting for me. I got in. Still really hot and sunny. I usually don't like the heat but today i wasn't complaining. I was making good time. There was a lady conductor in the bus and I had a feeling I had seen her before. I went back in time and tried to re-trace my steps back to 2008 to try and remember where she fit in the time-frame of my life. A few seconds later I remembered I used to travel by her bus when I was in MCC. Since the bus was quite empty, I chatted up with her. After a while she also remembered me. I had traveled by her bus for almost a whole year, and I used to call her aunty and she hated it. It was nice chatting with her. And, all the while, it was still sunny and I was still making good time.

Then it happened. I was 10 minutes away from Hebbal flyover when the weather suddenly changed. I couldn't believe it. It had gone from being a bright and sunny day to overcast with clouds and storm struck in a matter of 4 minutes. This couldn't be happening. I was 6 minutes away from Hebbal. Well, needless to say, it rained cats and dogs and elephants. But, I was still quite hopeful that I'd make it on time. I got off the bus thinking, "Its alright, I can still make it."

2 minutes later. I knew I couldn't.

By the time I got off the bus and crossed the road, I was drenched. Even my undies were dripping wet. I couldn't meet someone for the first time looking like this. Well, I was still quite far away from where I wanted to go and there was not an auto in sight. So i knew this was destiny's way of laughing at me and saying "Haha.. you think your plans are infallible?"

I had nothing else to do but call up that person and apologize for not being able to make it.

So well, now I had nothing to do, but accept defeat and head home. Simple.
It was still pouring and the visibility range was about 5 feet with my spectacles on and and about 2 feet without. I was desperately run around trying to find some shelter and I should have known this was coming. I slipped and twisted my ankle. So now I was not just dripping wet, shivering from the cold, I was also limping.

Ok,so what? I was still close to home. I just had to take a bus from Hebbal to Bel Circle and then take an auto from there to home. So I got into the first bus I saw. Bel Circle was 10 minutes away. But the dude decided he'd wait till the bus got full. So he waited full 20 minutes to start from there. Fine, I was still heading home.

I got down at Bel circle. Limped my way to the auto stand. Got into an auto and finally was on the last lap of my eventful journey home. Nothing could go wrong now. I started dreaming about home, and the warm clothes and the hot chocolate. Maybe I could even convince my mother to make pakodas... In a matter of minutes I could have all this.

And everything came to a standstill. The engine got flooded with water and stalled in water 2 feet deep. By now, I didn't know whether I was closer to laughing or crying. It was still raining as heavily and sitting inside an auto was no comfort. I was getting splashed by the water on the road by the moving vehicles. I couldn't get off the auto and start looking for another mode of transport because 1. it was raining and there was no other mode of transport in sight and 2. my twisted ankle. So i just sat in there and made a game out of watching which vehicle splashed the most water on me.

The auto driver was a nice chap (the good Samaritan kinds..), so he spotted another empty auto and got me into it. And I finally made it home with a leaky nose, a painy throat and a limpy leg after 2 hours and 32 minutes of starting from office .

I learn't a lesson from all this : The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain.

News, really?

2008-07-28T04:54:00.000-07:00

"I have no regrets, says porn star"

That was the main headline in the paper today. Big and bold. Well, I have no issues with the porn star not having any regrets with her way of life. I think its perfectly alright. But what I don't understand is, how is it relevant to my life, and to the thousands of other normal, middle class people sitting down to read the paper.
I admit, I did end up reading the whole article. And undeniably, this kind of news increases readership. But what has happened to our sensibilities? Where has normal, intelligent news gone? Why don't we want to read anything sensible these days?

I turned the pages of the paper. Page after page has news about random celebrities and gossip about them. I don't really care if a certain celebrity has gained a few pounds and yet wanted to pose in a bikini. I am sure a lot of magazines are there specifically for this kind of news. Daily news, really?

Well, I am not being some kind of moral police here, but I really am bored of seeing pictures of women clad in skimpy clothes in news papers every single day. For heaven's sake, where is the real news? Is this the level news papers have to stoop down to, to get normal people to read the news?

I had a thought the other day. I was having dinner and my mother wanted to watch news on TV. It struck me at that moment, that it really has been months since I have watched the news on TV. They seem to either be sensationalizing news and making it sleazy, or they just show negative news and horrendous images of victims of bomb blasts, accidents or any other kind of violence. It practically kills my sleep for that night. I have stopped watching the news on TV and I think I am also going to stop reading the news papers.

What has happened to all the positive news? Has nothing god been done by anyone, anywhere? Why don't we see it often on TV or read about it in the papers?

Are we as a nation going to reinforce sleaze, sensationalism and negativity?

I remember when Doordarshan used to air the news on TV everyday at 8 p.m. The whole family used to gather around the TV and it was an important activity for that day. I think they showed wholesome news. The important national and international news which was relevant, and intelligent.

Talking about positive news, a couple of my friends have started a site Are We MAD. They write only when they have a story worth telling.

May the good old days of intelligent news come back again....

Family and Happiness...

2008-07-28T04:34:00.000-07:00

I read this passage in the book "Into the Wild" by Jon Krakauer. The passage is taken from Family Happiness by Leo Tolstoy.

He was right in saying that the only certain happiness in life is to live for others..

"I have lived through much, and now i think I have found what is needed for happiness. A quiet, secluded life in the country, with the possibility of being useful to people to whom it is easy to do good, and who are not accustomed to have it done to them; then work which one hopes may be of some use; then rest, nature, books, music, love for one's neighbour - such is my idea of happiness. And then, on top of all that, you for a mate, and children, perhaps - what more can the heart of one desire? "

Seems like its my idea of happiness too.....

Horn Not OK, Please

2008-07-09T23:02:00.001-07:00

Everyone around me was fast asleep. I was the only one staring out of the window. Try as much as I can, I just can't sleep during the 1 hour journey to and from home to office. Its been like this for almost 2 years now. Damn all the horns blaring in the background. It irritates the hell out of me.

So, this morning I was sitting in the cab, the same scene as of all days, everyone dozing off and me wide awake just staring into oblivion. I was just thinking of the kind of drivers there are. There are guys who ride their bikes like they are super heroes straight out of super movies. And usually, these guys are inspired by movies like Krissh... A personal observation has been the when the bike is extraordinarily good, the guy riding it usually sucks and vice versa...

And then there are the cab drivers. And when I say cabs, I mean Tempo travellers, swaraj mazdas, sumo's, qualis' etc. (basically company cabs with sleeping employees). These guys are always in a hurry. They always have to reach somewhere ahead of all the others. They jump signals, break all the rules of traffic, physics, biology and every possible rule.

Then there are buses. Ok... The guy who decided that there should be a bus stop after every signal on the Ring Road, should be dragged out onto the streets and shot!!!
Anyway, about the bus drivers, these guys own the roads, or so they think. They turn, over take, move, slow down or just stop as and when they please. They dont know the concept of lanes.

And then all the other guys driving private cars. These are a little better of the lot, mabe coz its still their own car, bought with their hard earned money. But it seems to be a trend these days to completely ignore the traffic signals. Those RED, GREEN and AMBER lights, remember?

The poor traffic signals at every junction.. they are totally ignored and they look like they have been placed there for just display. Maybe some music and fountains, will complete the pretty picture.

People take pleasure in jumping signals. Infact, people stare at you angrily if you are waiting for the Red signal to turn Green. And in case, traffic has halted at the Red signal, 30 seconds before it turns Green, people start moving. What are you going to gain if you wait for 30 seconds more? you may ask.
What are you going to gain? I ask, considering you are inevitably going to get stuck at the jam, half a kilometre down the road.And worst of the lot is the guy who insists on continuously honking while the signal is Red and there is not an inch for anybody to move.

Ok, my basic problem is just with the whole of the traffic situation and let me not even get into the topic of traffic jams and the plight of roads. I just want to be able to catch up on a little bit of my sleep. I wish people would stop honking when it is not going to help. Everyone wants to get wherever they want to get as early as possible. Surely, being stuck on the roads of Bangaore is not a pleasure by any means. So lets just try to make it as tolerable as possible.

No Stroke of Inspiration yet

2008-07-07T02:58:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning with the feeling that I want to accomplish something today. But I am still sitting here without any motivation. Not that I know what I want to acheive. I just assumed that I would get this stroke of inspiration and I'd know what I want to do. But nah... it doesn't seem to work that way.

I guess I wanted to write something radical today. But as I set out to write I realized that I don't care about too many things. I dont have strong opinions on anything. I dont feel passionately about any cause.I have a general feeling of carelessness and indifference to most things around me. I dont bother about global warming or about how the IT is spoiling the culture of old time Bangalore. Or maybe its just the mood that I am in today.

The more I think about it, the more I realize I am just an Average Jane, with not too many concerns about the ways of the world. I am not setting out to change the world or make a difference. I dont think any of the generations beyond my children will ever remember me. And hell, like I care !!!

Something to begin with...

2007-10-07T21:35:00.000-07:00

I discovered blogging only quite recently and I have been making attempts at singing and posting a few songs that I record. It isn't as easy as i thought it is.. though the methods are quite simple, technically speaking :-)

Getting the mood right and then the right song for that mood and then getting the song right.. phew!!

I sometimes have this strong urge to start singing loudly in the middle of the afternoon when everybody around me is working away at their systems, oblivious to their surroundings. I run to the restroom so i can hum something to myself. I really miss those days when i would be sitting on my terrace or in Smrithi's balcony and we would start singing, those days in the rain, while travelling by car and I can even remember one time when we sang while we were in an auto.. :-)

And nothing can beat those days in Hyderabad, when Radha akka and myself used to sing for hours together while she was cooking and i would just sit there to give her company. She taught me a lot about music and I learnt to love it the way I do now from her.

Seems like i cant be that carefree now. Somehow, those spontaneous moments have vanished. But its just so I dont stop singing that I want to post something. Just so that it keeps me motivated..